Roger Ebert’s Scathing Review of a Christmas Movie Disaster

When it comes to holiday films, most people are willing to overlook a few flaws. After all, the sheer volume of Christmas movies released every year means that not every one can be a classic. But for Roger Ebert, every film —no matter the season—deserved to be judged by the same standards. While a handful of holiday movies, like Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life or even John McTiernan’s Die Hard (if you count it), have earned their place in cinematic history, most others fall short. Titles like Jon Favreau’s Elf, Robert Zemeckis’ The Polar Express, Richard Donner’s Scrooged, Chris Columbus’ Home Alone, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Jingle All the Way, and Terry Zwigoff’s Bad Santa have their fans, but few would argue they’re masterpieces.

One Holiday Film Ebert Couldn’t Forgive

Among the endless stream of festive releases, there was one that Ebert found especially unbearable. He made his feelings clear in a blistering 0.5-star review:

“All I want for Christmas is to never see All I Want for Christmas again. Here is a calculating holiday fable that is phony to its very bones; artificial, contrived, illogical, manipulative, and stupid. It’s one of those movies that insults your intelligence by assuming you have no memory, no common sense, and no knowledge of how people behave when they are not in the grip of an idiotic screenplay.”

Despite a cast that included the legendary Lauren Bacall and Leslie Nielsen as Santa Claus, Robert Lieberman’s romantic comedy was panned by critics and ignored by audiences. Ebert’s harsh words painted him not as a holiday grump, but as someone who simply couldn’t stand bad filmmaking.

A Plot That Misses the Mark

The story centers on two siblings who wish for their divorced parents to fall in love again. Their plan? Kidnap their mom’s fiancé and lock him in an ice cream truck headed from New York to New Jersey. Unsurprisingly, the film delivers the predictable happy ending. Ebert didn’t buy a single moment, writing,

“There was not a moment of the movie I could believe. Not a motivation I thought was plausible, not a plot development that wasn’t imposed on us by the requirements of the plot (example: The driver of the ice cream truck has bad hearing, to explain why he can’t hear the bore banging on the window behind his head). Movies like this give ‘cute’ a bad name.”

Formulaic and Forgettable

For Ebert, All I Want for Christmas was the epitome of lazy holiday filmmaking—predictable, uninspired, and lacking any real charm. It was, in his eyes, the kind of movie that could be written in a single night by someone half-asleep. Instead of holiday cheer, it left him with nothing but disappointment and a strong desire to never watch it again.